First Boyfriend

We all have that first relationship, the one that shapes how you see future relationships and what to kind of expect from your partner.
Well, i hoped that wasn’t the case for me.
It was 7th grade, i was 13, i didn’t really know what the expect, at all! It was weird from the start.
He was shy, nervous and kind of the outcast of the class but i wanted to feel loved and wanted. He was tall, thin, piercing blue eyes, acne skin and orange hair but looks didn’t matter to me, really. He was seemly sweet and a little introverted.
We were walking from english to music class one day and he asked if he could talk to behind everyone else, i was a little confused and nervous but i agreed. He had his head down, talking towards to ground and not towards me, in a nervous way, not a rude way by any means.
He asked me if i could be his girlfriend, i was on cloud nine, of course i said yes! but i got deflated quite quickly, which this should have been a red flag but i didn’t want to see it. I really wanted to be wanted.
Okay so what did he do or say that was a red flag?
Right after he asked me to be his girlfriend, he gave me his number, asked me to only communicate with him over text, not tell my friends or family or anyone that we were together and to keep it on the down low, like a secret relationship.
Im not entirely sure the reason, even to this day i still don’t know. Maybe he thought we’d be bullied, maybe he thought we’d get shit for it, who knows.
It was really good, we would walk together to class, sit together in some classes but we still didn’t talk much. We really got to talk on the school bus, where the rest of our class wasn’t really there, it was nice.
In class, our relationship went to the next level, when you’re 13, this level was mind blowing, i laugh when i type this now, but we were in history class i think it was, we were sitting with each other and he put his hand on my thigh, i placed my hand on his, my heart was racing, it was kind of intense! ha ha ha.
It wasn’t long after that, it was our 2 week school break, it got me thinking, is this secret relationship something i really want? Could i really do this long term? and just alone, thinking that and not being 100% sure about everything, in my head, it was pretty much over.
I messaged him, nothing alarming, but i just wanted to talk to him, maybe all of this was in my head because i hadn’t seen him or spoken to him since we were on school break, thought maybe that was it, i missed him so much i wanted to break up with him? teenage logic i think. ha ha
I lived out of town, i didn’t get much reception at my house so it was a struggle to send messages in the first place, he never replied, i wasn’t sure if it was he forgot me or didn’t have phone credit, i just had no idea, id find out when i went back to school after break.

We were back from school break, something had changed, it wasn’t the same anymore, he was more sassy, more attitudinal, suddenly he was to cool for me and i felt left behind, but we were still together, there was moments where he would try and hold my hand or want to sit with me class or hug me that gave me hope that we would work out.

Things still weren’t the best. We had a class on the top of our block at school, there are two flights of stairs to get to the top of the school class blocks, for reference.
Class just got out, the bell just went so everyone was rushing as they do, the hustle of getting from one class to another in under 5 minutes or you get detention.
We had just gone down the first smaller flight of stairs, I was walking in front of my ‘boyfriend’, he was walking with his friends, right behind me, i glanced back to look at him, as he reached out his legs to trip me, and he succeeded,  i tripped, i fell, collapsed and fell down the whole flight of stairs, i was curled in a ball, at the bottom of the stairs, most people walked around me, except him, he stepped on me, on my back, towards the bottom of my ribs, he had literally stepped on me, laughing and walked away with his friends, didn’t even look back to see if i was okay, i was invisible, like roadkill.

All of my other friends had walked around me too, no one even asked if i was okay, i wasn’t, i really, really, wasn’t. It wasn’t until after everyone had gone, the halls were empty, everyone was now in class, until i heard someone coming, i was hoping it was a teacher or someone to help me, i couldn’t move. It was a class mate, she was one of those girls that stayed back to talk to teachers sometimes, on this day she had stayed back to talk to our teacher. Once she saw me, she came rushing down the stairs to me, se knelt down to ask if i was okay, i could barely breathe, i was pale and couldn’t walk.

Our school was built on the side of a hill, we were in C Block, which was the second from the bottom, i had about 10 flights of stairs to get up to the front office, i couldn’t have done that alone. She walked with me, or i should say, pretty much carried me up to the office. it took us forever to get up to the top, she was late to her class but the office gave her an exception note, which was a relief, i didn’t want her to be in trouble because of me.

By the time i got into the sick back, i had the school nurse have a look at me, they called my mum instantly, they told her what happened and she come to get me. My mum took me straight to the emergency room. I had two fractured ankles and severe bruising in many places all over my body.

At 13, i had to take 15weeks of school. I couldn’t walk, i could barely do anything. My mum had to go back to bathing me pretty much, i mean, i still had my hands but i couldn’t stand in a shower, so i had to bathe, there was no way i could get in and out of the bath alone.

My year advisor sent home my school work with my older sister so i wouldn’t fail my 1st year of high school, but somehow the school made me feel as it was my fault that it happened.

It was never investigated why i got tripped, i think i was deemed an accident and got off free, no suspension, no detention, not even a talking to. It became as invisible as i was, as that roadkill in the halls on the bottom of that stairwell.

For a first relationship, that was a shocker, i don’t think that’s a normal 13 year old relationship, it was abusive, manipulative and controlled. Im glad i got out of it alive, it could only go up from there, i hoped.

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2 thoughts on “First Boyfriend

  1. Pingback: First Real Relationship |

  2. Pingback: My Eating Disorder |

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