A best friend is valuable, especially in those teen years, you need a buddy on your side, to walk with you through whatever your teens throw at you.
Well this girl, was my absolute world, my saviour.
I think back in 2006, we were all on bebo, right? it was the place to be, along with MSN messenger.
I was on bebo, I’m not really sure how i ended up being friends with a bunch of these people, but as we all did, we added strangers and just spoke to them, made online friends, seemed harmless.
Granted, i did meet weirdo’s too. i can make a post about them too.
I met this girl, at the time, she was totally different, but we were in the same stage, so to speak.
She has long light brown hair, brown eyes, barely wore makeup and if she did, it was the pastel pink eye shadow and lipstick, just like i did, i think it was a mean girls things. We were obsessed with that movie!
We started talking, at first it was over a guy i met her through, i kind of liked him, but i only knew him online, so i wanted to know what he was really like. Turns out he was a player but then this guy was something me and her had in common, at first our conversations where about him then we ventured off to talk about our lives and ourselves and got to know one another.
Before long, we swapped msn messenger email addresses and continued talking there. At first, it was every couples days, then it was everyday, until we swapped mobile numbers, then i would walk up to the end of my driveway, where i had mobile service, i would call her, we’d be on the phone for hours, from the time i finished school, until dark, then i would go down to the house, hop online and talk to her for even more hours on messenger, even then, sometimes after that, once i got her home phone number, i would call her house phone, we would be on there until early hours of the morning, then race each other to see who could get up and get online fastest in the morning, to talk again.
Our friendship was based on mutual dependance on the other person. Id never met her, but i didn’t have to. She’d already been a better friend to me in the months id known her online, then my actual friends had been in my whole life at school.
Before long, things started to change, we started getting bullied at school around the same time, our so called friends, in real life, had both abandoned us, we had no one but each other. Our lives revolved around when we could talk again.
My sister had started going down an “emo” route. She listened to heavy music, bullet for my valentine was her favourite heavier music, from memory.
I started to listen to it as well, i liked it, i mentioned it to her, she’d started listening to heavier music to. It was like, every transition i made as a teen, she was right there, doing the same thing, without even realising it, we we’re in sync.
Over a couples of months, we’d both dyed our hair black, started wearing darker makeup, listening to more heavy music.
At this point, it was all superficial. We just looked down, we looked depressed, we looked the part. Id already dabbled in self harm before we got super close, click here to read my story.
I’m not sure where she started to learn about self harm, but all of a sudden, we were talking about it, and we were both doing it, we we’re still in sync.
It was 2008, the year of chunky bracelets and arm socks, it worked in our favour, i guess, we used fashion to hide our self destruction.
Being bullied at school at first was the normal, being different, being unique, everyone gets picked on at some point in high school, its how you deal with it that defines how you continue to be treated. We flunked. We believed them. We believed the bullies lies, how stupid and worthless we were. We started to hate ourselves and question why we were alive. Our grades started dropping, we didn’t care anymore. We’d suddenly became worthless to everyone but each other.
Our only escape was our conversations but we were both so depressed that we couldn’t bring each other up anymore. We’d got to comfortable. The high of the friendship wasn’t there anymore.
We started suggesting outside help, I remember the first time i ring kids help line. I told them i self harm, i told them how i feel, but our conversation didn’t last long. As long as i wasn’t planning on taking my life, they didn’t seem to care, i lost even more hope, in myself, in society.
After a while, we came to this mutual agreement. we had a code, it was to “be safe” which meant not to self harm. We wouldn’t break a promise to each other but we would to ourselves. Sometimes, we couldn’t promise we wouldn’t, we knew we would, so then it became a, make sure you’re alive tomorrow, kind of thing.
We knew our addictions, we knew how to maintain out addictions, but as long as we didn’t take it the next step, it became okay to do that.
We finally met in 2008. She travelled up with her mum and her mums boyfriend to my house. it as only a couple of days she was there, but it was the best time in my life.
After we met, out bond became stronger, we started to like each other more then friends. It was never official, but we we’re practically dating. The distance made it so hard. she was 8 hours away from me, we were so young, neither of us could drive, our parents couldn’t afford to make the drive often. Our relationship was based off phone calls.
It got the better of me one day, i was online talking to her, while also on habbo hotel, My grandparents where at my house, they were harsh, they didn’t understand why i was the way i was. I wrote a suicide note. I didn’t know if i wanted to die, but in the same way, i didn’t want to be me anymore. She called my social worker. A team came out to see me because of the note. I’m making a whole post on this.
We were like this for a couple of years. I did go down to see how once, our mums had a fight and our visit got cut short. It was the lowest point in our relationship.
That was, until i met a boy. I met him through a mutual friend on a MSN group chat. There will be a post about this boy.
From then on, our friendship wasn’t the same. It wasn’t to do with the boy anymore. I was so far away, we both had things going on in our worlds that didn’t sync like they used to. I was moving to another town, the town mentioned in comfort zones. I was trying to move up and out of the ’emo’ phase and bring some normalcy into my life.
There is more to the story of my best friend, but this post is getting quite long. Part two will be coming very soon.
Stay captivated, stay weird. xx